Emergency blog.

Vladimir Putin is a bad guy. He is an ex-KGB spy and runs a country that is ranked slightly above Nigeria on government corruption. I’m 90% sure he’s wanted for war crimes but I’m not someone you should get your global news from. I barely know how to vote. Anyway… that’s bad. I’m pretty sure he’s one of the worst guys ever. But I’m not calling for his murder, but this other guy.

I’m sorry to do this to you on a Friday afternoon, but watch this 30 second video. (I don’t know how to post a video not sideways. Whatever)

We have to murder this guy right? If not for the insane treatment of this perfect creature, at least the person in charge of his eyebrows.

There’s a saying that I’ve heard (probably made up) that the only thing understood by any language is the sound of a gunshot and the cry of an adorable puppy. Even the worst murderers would put aside their blood-thirst and give a high-pitch “awhhh” when faced with this puppy. So the question is: how many bodies does this guy have buried in his basement?

I know everyone hates America and our drone strikes, but I think we should isolate this guy and hit him with every drone missile we have in our country’s arsenal. And if you disagree, you should probably die alongside him. I mean he holds the dog like an executioner holds a head he’s just cut off. And he’s SMILING like he just won the Powerball. What the hell dude? Even the worst war criminal since Adolf Hitler knows how to hold a dog. I never thought I would be grateful for Putin coming in to save the day. Jesus Christ.

I’m not saying you need to pamper your dog like Paris Hilton’s gross chihuahua, but don’t hold a puppy like a trash bag full of spoiled meat.

Send in the troops, bring back flame throwers and carpet bombing. Whatever it takes to wipe this guy off the planet.

P.S: I understand that’s a way to hold a dog because that’s what the mother dog does to her puppies. Cool. But that’s not what a normal human does and ESPECIALLY not what a politician should do in front of cameras seen by millions of people.

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