DOUCHE CHILLS (the beginning)

The word of the day is ‘Douche chills.’

Ever re-read a facebook post from Freshman year in high school where you used some Snow Patrol lyrics to express your love to your Freshman-year girlfriend? The lonely walk back to your snickering-friends after the girl at the bar doesn’t like your whiskey-breathed pickup line? Ever drop your rec-league basketball stats to someone and only get a low-volume “hmmm yeah, nice.”…?

Those goosebumps you get with that… that’s douche chills, baby.

To the one or two friends that pity clicked the “check out my new blog!!” link posted on my various social media platforms– I got douche chills doing that. My bad. But shooters shoot.

Chase your dream hurts to physically type out, but it’s pretty cool when you think about it this way–

Everyone you’ve ever admired… an athlete,  a celebrity, a singer/artist, a politician (that’s weird) a coach, etc. They’ve all started somewhere and that’s awesome. *Douche chills*

My idols these days are those those guys at Barstool, Pat McAfee, Heartland Radio and just about any standup comedian.  I think humor is above all. I think I’d really regret not trying this lifestyle. Consider this my douche chill filled resume to get out of my current bleak career and into the lavish lifestyle of a milk bag-body podcaster/blogger.

So I spent some of my office-monkey paycheck to get this website. I’m trying this blog-thing out because I’ve been a follower of Barstool Sports blogs and have always wanted to do something like it. Even if it means I write to myself. I’ll even struggle through podcasting too, whatever. I might as well try something. That’s a hill I can die on.

More importantly… it gives me an excuse to not go to the gym after work.Blog Nipple photo

Imagine making it to the big leagues and watching a girl’s knees shake and buckle at the bar when you whisper in her ear that you’re a podcaster/blogger. Or be able to tell your friends you can’t help them move to their new apartment because Tom Brady was caught hugging his kids instead of kissing them on television and you had to blog about it.

You can choose to cure cancer, win championship rings or make the top charts on iTunes… I’ll strive for those clicks.

Not totally sure what this blog will be about, but I’ve lived about sixteen different lives over the years and experienced a lot. But my dumb brain only remembers more of the funny moments than the serious ones. So I guess I’ll try to make people laugh with past stories and anything noteworthy happening in today’ sports and pop-culture.

So moral of the story, kids? Elect not to go to the gym, get addicted to chewing tobacco, and don’t stop until you get carpal tunnel syndrome and some man-boobs . Above all, disappoint your parents to chase that dream.

My Venmo is always open. Cheers.

 

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